The numbers:
So it's been two months since I launched this site, and I still weigh exactly what I did when I started, 220 pounds.
The physical feeling behind the numbers:
I feel somewhat sluggish physically, haven't been riding my bike enough, and haven't been drinking enough water. This less than ideal physical state is counterbalanced somewhat by feeling emotionally uplifted by the end of the school term and other reasons you can read about at toothpicklabeling. So, all in all, my body and stress levels are feeling pretty decent.
The emotions behind the numbers:
On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being least concerned or stressed about my weight and 10 being red alert-level anxiety and self-flagellation, I'd say I'm holding steady at about 4. I'd still like to lose some weight for overall bodily functioning, health, and to increase my physical fitness/stamina/mobility. But I'm not too upset with myself right now. It's been a really stressful several months with the school situation, and my crazy schedule has contributed to a lot of difficulty, beyond my regular resistance and bad habits, to preparing healthy meals and getting on my bike. I think now that I'm acclimated to the new schedule, and Spring/Summer is upon us, it bodes well for being more active and planning meals better.
More updates like this one whenever the muse strikes.
xo
Bree
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3 comments:
Well, I think it's pretty awesome that you've stayed the same. This is more than I can say for myself.
I actually wasn't feeling too bad about it (it's amazing what some good lovin' will do for your self-esteem) until a couple nights ago. Nan, Yan, and I were at Trad'r Sam's enjoy some find tiki beverages, and we were appalled by the making out of a couple in the booth next to us. (Seriously...his hands down her pants, her legs wrapped around him, etc.) Nan went up to complain, and I made a comment about how disgusting this display was. The girl stopped and looked at me and said, "Hey, fat girl. You're just jealous because no one would do this to you. Why don't you go home and eat a bucket of KFC? That's obviously your favorite thing to do."
I wasn't phased in front of her, and had some words for her that quite amused me until the bartender escorted them elsewhere, but later I cried and cried about it. Such hurtful and hateful things to say.
That's just fucking awful! I'm so sorry you had to endure such nasty hatred. What was your response in the moment? Ah, if I had a nickel for every time someone berated me in public for my fatness...well, I wouldn't be rich, but I'd have a shit load of nickels. Sounds like a good blog entry topic, actually.
Ugh! And the assumptions that went into what she said to you!! As if fat women don't have sex - not that this is the most sophisticated barometer of our sex lives, but has
she seen the Craigslist personal ads for BBWs? And I'm not gonna even touch the KFC thing. She's got no fucking clue.
After her first nasty comments I said, "That's a great idea! I love fried chicken. I'll get a bucket, and maybe some biscuits, too..." Further into the confrontation when she suggested that we fight, I told her that when I sat on her with my bucket of chicken she wouldn't have a chance. She didn't seem to find me too amusing. *sigh*
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